hrmmmmmm...

Quite a day. And it's not quite 2:00.

This morning I got an email with a proposal and vision, and had a phone conversation about making a preliminary year-long commitment to Lydia Today in Athens. By going under the human rights banner, I'd avoid the suspicion and have more avenues of influence than by going as a "missionary." I would be doing a lot of training of those who will work with trafficking victims, networking between international agencies and other groups there, and working on what would hopefully eventually come a point task force/agency for the Balkans on human trafficking. The people on the ground there have been working on the issue and related legislation for over 10 years. It looks like the groundwork is being put in place to start working specifically on a research, education, training and counseling center.

I had given this up in the last couple weeks. Interesting...how often do we have to give things up in order for them to come back to us??

As Sandie told me today, "God is in control, but He must be leading with a cloud because I can't see very far ahead." I'm praying. A year is a fair trial period. I've already made the significant connections I need in Athens (and beyond), and I'd be able to network and do outreach with the other organizations working there as well. She told me to pray about starting in September (!) but the timing would be ultimately determined by support-raising.

Lots to think about! I have a lot of questions and need to have several conversations before I make any decisions. But I am not sure why I WOULDN'T do this. Isn't this why I went over there last month in the first place?

5 hours of sleep in 2 nights?

Sweet.

Girls on top of Castle Rock @ Big Bear

I party like a rockstar over here

I am just finishing up a million tasks at my job here, while my personal assistant takes care of my laundry, packing, and some other errands so I can get out of town tonight. Whew, it's been a crazy week! Now here I go, ready to party it up with 30 college students in Big Bear over the weekend. Yeeeeeaaaahhh!!!!

So we're trying out new terms here down on the youth ministries end of the office... along the lines of "sick," which means, quite obviously, "cool," we thought we would throw in some other theological terms in its place. (Side note: we all go to Talbot. Theology is how we roll.) So how are these for some cool/sick replacements:

• reprobate ("Dude, there's gonna be 6 feet of snow up at Mammoth, it's gonna be reprobate!")


• depraved ("I learned this totally depraved move on my board the other day!")


• morally repulsive ("This is the best pizza I've ever tasted!" "I know! It's so morally repulsive!")


• others: abhorrent, detestable, patently unbiblical
  

On a side note, I would really like to know why I keep getting these in my email here at work?!

Is someone trying to tell me something? I am pretty sure (hoping, actually) that it's because I get all the default mail that goes to our church, like advertisements or info requests. Also, it says "Please forward to the single people in your congregation." Yeah! I bet they would be all over that. (Ok. A singles safari? Really? And who is getting that cozy with a slow dance on a Christian singles introduction boat ride? I see the gossip starting already.)

Ok - have a great weekend! I'll be back, dazed and confused, on Sunday. :)

oh my!

Another reason why I don't like triathlons in the ocean! (There are offical tris at this beach!)

mush

Graffiti in Jerusalem

Don't have much to say at the moment ... my brain is about the quality of oatmeal and with my 5 extra minutes of free time a day I have been doing things like brushing my teeth and warming up Lean Cuisines. (And eating them.) Trying to get everything done before I leave Friday for a college retreat.

Last night I went to practice to "help" a woman lead worship for a women's bible study tomorrow to discover that I would be picking the songs, playing, and singing. She'll sing "backup." Great. But, she and her English husband were just about the most fun people I have hung out with in quite awhile! I laughed a lot, which made up for the HOURS it took because we didn't know any of the same songs.

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Yesterday in our spiritual warfare class Chuck Kraft told us to say "If this is the enemy, stop it!" I love it. It applies to dealing with people who are angry, our own emotions (when they take control or are out of hand), the beginnings of an argument, difficult circumstances, etc. Sometimes it's not the enemy, but when it is, taking authority over the situation often diffuses an argument or brings peace to a situation. (And you don't have to yell; one of my favorite things that he said - about praying to God AND addressing the enemy - is that neither God nor Satan is deaf.) (And if you are face to face with a person who is getting riled up, don't say "If this is the enemy, stop it!" to their face. I'd imagine that could be a little offensive.)

.

If I get some sleep and think of something more brilliant to say, you'll be the first to know. :)

Hey you - I need your help!

I need new glasses.

These are my old ones:

They've served me well. So well, that I've had them for about 7 years and they are so scratchy I can hardly see clearly out of them. It's about time for some new ones. But I couldn't decide, so that's why I'm asking you.

Option #1: I liked these a lot, because they were different. The sides are fun too. Please consider the bad Costco lighting and the weird freak on my right shoulder when making your decision.

Option #2: A familiar, black version with green. I liked these a lot too.

I know what you're thinking, the black looks better with my hair. If you are in fact thinking that, consider that this is what my hair looked like last summer, or some summer in the last couple years, and that there's a fair chance it won't be black forever:

Why do I make faces like that? Look, here's another:

Maybe you should just scroll up and look at the profile picture for a good example. Moving on...

Option #3: Just for some variety.

Please let me know what you think! :) And I promise I will never post this many pictures of my own face again.

P.S. If you pick option #3, we will no longer be friends.

thoughts...

Athens

I've felt discouraged and disappointed this week. Fighting that "back to square one" feeling as I again wonder what in the world I'm doing with my life. One thing I've realized...we want our circumstances to go well, but God wants our faith to prosper.

I've always hardened myself against having hope or expectations for things as a way of protecting myself from disappointment. I am a master at controlling circumstances to avoid "unnecessary" emotional fluctuations. This week I sit in the aftermath of failed expectations for future plans. But without having expectations, our faith can't grow. God obviously has different plans. I can't set up my life around me so that everything will always go as I plan (for example, it would be easy to just stay here and disciple relatively healthy Christian college girls. I love doing that, and will do that and other things here while I have the chance. But that would not involve faith on my part. I think there's more for me).

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I'm learning to have expectations, and also to let myself be disappointed. If things always happened exactly the way we planned, there would be no need for faith. Instead, we get to live the wild ride of ups and downs, with a lot of uncontrollable circumstances and lots of chances to practice faith. I guess that means more opportunities to see God work, too. :)

New Feature: What I Forgot Today

Since my brain frequently resembles a collander or a cheese grater (the idea being the holes for things to leak through...duh) and since the more information I try to store in there, the less useful it becomes, I am going to have to start a new feature on my blog: What I Forgot Today.

It is not unusual for me to run back into my house three or four times in the morning on the way to work. Last week I left my wallet at home three days in a row and was meeting people for lunch two of those days. Boy did I feel dumb when it was time to pay.......

Today's installment: My gym bag. Sometimes I forget my shoes. Or the ipod (that is almost worse than running with no shoes. Not that I have tried running with no shoes.) Or socks, or a hair thingy. Or (not quite as vital, sadly) a sportsbra.

Today, just the whole bag. I packed it up and set it by the door. And walked right past it on my way out.

dictionary.com word of the day: objurgate

Objurgate: To express strong disapproval of; to criticize severely.

Also: What I am about to do to Oprah Winfrey.


The latest spiritual bandwagon for this woman to jump on is called A New Earth. (I'm a little behind, but I've been out of the country a lot, give me a break.) This book was written in 2005, but when Oprah picked it for her book club in January and started a webcast in March, 2 million people followed her like blind, desperate cattle! You can sign up for the next trance session on her website.

Eckhart Tolle wrote this book urging people to look beyond themselves and the current state of humanity to a new conciousness, where God is in all and all is God. Salvation comes from within, or a oneness with an impersonal life force that is "God." This is basic New Age stuff (throw in some pantheism and you have much of our culture summed up). There is no original sin; instead we make mistakes by being ignorant of this power of "goodness" that comes from "God" - the life force inside ourselves and everyone around us. As Oprah put it, "God is a feeling experience, not a belief experience." (Someone get this woman a theology book; some of the things I've heard her say are beyond the use of the words "ignorant" or "uninformed." Her comment of being turned off of Christianity when she heard that God is a "jealous" God and wondering, "Why is he jealous?" as if he were jealous of her? These misunderstandings have simple answers. At least to those who are open to hearing them.)

There is nothing new under the sun. New Age beliefs have been around for a long time, and this is not a new brand of spirituality. I do have issues with Eckhart Tolle and his recycling of old mystical beliefs into new packaging, but it's more than that. This stuff will open you up to spiritual things, there is no question about it, but like the growing popularity of personal or guardian angels, the "spirits" you are welcoming in are not kind, sweet, gentle (these are some adjectives I've heard describing personal angels), or anything that would constitute a "guardian." I'm just going to go ahead and say it: invite these things to come in and "guide" you and you are opening yourself up to demonic beings that are going to play along to look like anything you want them to.

Sorry, tangent. Where was I? Tolle has to be pretty much beside himself with glee (not to mention the big dollar signs in his eyes) that Oprah has picked him for her latest "spiritual journey." My main problem isn't with him. He's a tool. :) I think I've lost most if not all respect for Oprah as an intelligent, thinking person. She is in search of good feelings, and leading the masses off the cliff with her. Spiritually, emotionally, politically, let's do what resonates with my soul, what feels right to me.

If you have seriously thought through your values and settled on beliefs that you have reasons for holding, fine. But that's just it: she doesn't want to have to do that. She wants to go off whatever feels good to her at the moment. No thinking, analyzing, or reasoning (or believing, she'd say, which pretty much conflicts with anything "spiritual" in the first place, but moving on) required. And in her position as a leader (a pop culture leader, but a leader nonetheless), this is totally irresponsible. I feel like she uses her position to influence the masses and win them over to her whims. Our poor culture ~ of people who have lost any ability to reason and think for themselves ~ is easily persuaded.

a little brightness

The clouds are back after a hot weekend, but I am sunshiney in my heart and on my toes. :)

portraits of exploitation

Faces of pr0stitution: photo series (click here). These photos were taken over a period of time (months to years), each time the women were arrested for pr0stitution. (Their names have been changed.)

"In pr0stitution, she is depersonalized; her name and identity disappear. She shuts down her feelings to protect herself. She becomes 'something for him to empty himself into, acting as a kind of human toilet' (Hoigard & Finstad, 1986). Over time, the prostituted self takes over more and more of the rest of her. She is disappeared." ~Dr. Melissa Farley

Popular myths about prostitution:

• that it is a job like any other;
• that the women and girls in pr0stitution enjoy the sex;
• that there are no victims in pr0stitution
• that the women and girls in pr0stitution are individuals in control of the sex identities and destinies.
  

Victims of sexual trafficking are trafficked into and are used in various forms of commercial sexual exploitation such as prostitution, pornography, and stripping. Thus prostitution and sexual trafficking are symbiotically related ― the existence of prostitution is the only reason sex trafficking exists. There is no such thing as unexploitive commercial sex.

More info here.

in the in-between

I had lunch today with a good friend ... Emily and her husband just returned from two months in Virginia for training, and in a few weeks they are headed to Costa Rica for 6 months for language learning, and then to the Dominican Republic for 2+ years to do church planting.

In the meantime, they are in that weird coming-back-home-and-saying-goodbye stage here in California. In my own process of thinking about going overseas longterm, I've thought a bit about what it must feel like to be seeing friends and saying goodbyes for weeks or months on end, not really here but not there yet either, feeling unsettled here and ready to go yet not knowing what to expect once you arrive on the other side. I'm so excited for them that this time is finally here, and I can understand the mixed emotions.

Anyway, I'm super excited for you guys, I miss you already, and I'll see you before you leave again, and save a bed for me in your house in the DR because I'm coming to visit. :)

I have no idea what's going on. Part 2.

I've been a little discouraged this weekend. It would appear that Greece in June is in the process of falling through. :( We have not heard back from the church in Thessaloniki or Hillsong. How do you just not follow up on something that you pursued in the first place? Sandie's giving them until the middle of April, which is technically Tuesday, and then I guess that's it.

So I'm a little dazed and confused at the moment as I realize that I'm kind of back to square one. That trip was my "next step." Now I have no steps. On Friday night Sandie was painting big pictures of what she sees happening in Athens and still wanting to send me there, but I have yet to understand a tangible role for myself, not to mention the fact that I don't really have the desire to move across the world without the covering of a legit, experienced mission organization.

I believe there's a reason I went to Greece, because of the way that trip was orchestrated and fell together in only three weeks. The money came in, the dates all worked out, and I met everyone I needed to. I was disappointed there to not have that "This is it!" feeling, but I felt ok about that having the June trip as a next step. So now I just feel disappointed that I currently don't know what I'm doing with my life. Again. I don't feel partial to Greece; I've always realized that I'd be called to a ministry rather than a specific country. So I don't feel a huge pull to apply with another organization just to get over there. Could still be an option, but I'm not feeling a green light at this point.

Plus I need a full time job (I'd been dragging my feet about that because of the June trip, so now I am wondering what to do in that whole area too).

I've been waiting for this time for 4.5 years of seminary. Waiting's not really the issue. Just what appear at the moment to be backward steps. At this point I'm ok with not going in June, but not so much the big gaping question mark shaped hole it leaves.

Gotta have faith. Me and George Michael.

Beach Inauguration Day!

More beachness here.

I have no idea what's going on. Part 1.

Part 1: Biola Chapter

Tonight I went with Sandie and met with a group of Biola students who are interested in human trafficking. They started at three, and as the time passed the group grew to 7 or 8 students (precious kids...being punctual must be one of those things you learn after college). :) Turns out, there is a large group of them that has begun meeting every week -- I suspected this might be the case! And, they have no idea what to do.

Somehow they got in contact with Sandie and since I live a hop, skip and a jump from Biola, she asked me to come along. These students are SO EXCITED. They don't have a lot of information, but are very passionate. They want training, they want an action plan, they want to get going already! They are having an awareness day on campus in May, but want to know what else they can do.

Sandie lives rather far to make the weekly trip to come up and attend their meetings and train them. But - how convenient - I live so close! I know stuff! I have information! I am certified to do training! And that is precisely what she offered me to them for. :) Looks like I am going to be the one meeting with them and helping them figure this stuff out.

It's exciting, this new piece of the puzzle that has just been dropped into my lap. I was just thinking this week how I may have a little too much on my plate right now, and these meetings are on Thursday nights (late), same night as my college lifegroup. But there are so many strategic connections and networking happening that I see this as a must. And I'm really excited about it.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Greece in Question ... (the more disappointing installment)

Now if this isn't ironic...

Go look here at what my name means in "Carnival Language." Why?!?!

I actually laughed out loud (what does that say about me??), albeit with a tinge of dismay. To quote Sharone, it's "strangely appropriate and inappropriate at the same time."

sleeping is for the weak

I do not know why I am awake right now. I wrote a paper, but finished an hour ago. I don't work tomorrow, so for some reason this gives me license to stay up late and throw off my sleeping schedule for the entire week.

Tonight (last night now! - Sunday night) after the college group some of the kids came up to me and said they wanted to get involved with the trafficking stuff. I spoke there last week about it and some of them were impacted enough by what's going on that they want to do something. One tangible thing they want to do is to do "block walks" - talking to their neighbors about trafficking and how to recognize signs of it. Making people aware is one of the best ways we can combat it.

So, I'm excited! The main person I talked to is a guy, which is really cool. More men need to be involved in this! Most conferences, ministries, etc. I've been to or seen have 99%+ women. Men really need to be involved, especially in working with and educating other men on stopping the demand end of this problem.

This little group represents a few different colleges in the area too, which is exciting. We've been praying for ways to get on more college and high school campuses, so I'm going to see if this group of students might be a way to make that happen. I'd really like to see the whole college group involved in things like this (I'm partial to trafficking, but any time a college student - or high school or whatever - can be concerned and involved in something outside of and bigger than themselves it's a good thing!). There are a lot of ways sin and injustice can be approached; this is only one way. yay

fondu makes people crazy

Since Sharone has already so artfully represented this phenomenon with this photographical masterpiece, I will post my own evidence of the depths of depravity that surface in mankind (or perhaps womankind would be more accurate) where there is cheese and chocolate in the form of fondu flowing abundantly.

(We went to the Melting Pot last night. We did not have very much fun. Nor did we eat very much, as we are very health conscious and subsist on primarily fruits and vegetables and legumes.)

Fondu turns normal people like this...

(sorry, I don't think I have any normal pictures of this one)

...into people like this:

(yes, as you can see, not a huge jump from "normal" to "crazy" in this particular case...)

So, while the male species may regard this type of dining as ridiculous and more trouble than it's worth, don't get in the way of us and our melted chocolate and cheese. Just don't.

Re-consider Biola University!

I received this email today:

Dear Kelsey,

You've indicated an interest in Biola University in the past, and we'd like to let you know what's new!

We have probably added new programs and offerings since you last inquired about us - (etc. etc. blah blah)

Maybe now is the time to re-consider a graduate education at Biola University. Visit us at www.biola.edu/grad.

Blessings,

Office of Graduate Admissions

P.S. Fall Application Deadlines are approaching! Apply today at www.biola.edu/grad/applynow

How can I nicely let them know that I have been attending Biola as a grad student for almost FIVE YEARS?!

whatever spatial memory is...

This picture is from when I hit my head inside a cave in Israel. (I am pretty sure that only happened once, although I can't be sure. This overly excited face, aside from being one of my most common expressions, is probably a lame attempt to prove that the 2-inch lump on my head really doesn't hurt at all!!) Someone so thoughtfully captured the moment and then posted it on the internet. (I suppose I can't complain about that, as I am doing the same thing now.)

So in our counseling class a couple months ago I learned that you lose at least 10-20,000 brain cells with each good bump to the head. The teacher told of a doctor who reported a woman who came in for a bump to the head, and at the end of the exam, could not remember if she had to put her shoes or her socks on first.

Anyway I am sure that I have lost valuable brain cells that help me remember things like people's names, what day it is, and what the heck I just read in my textbook 5 minutes ago. Mountain bike crashes, head bumps, etc. (Or maybe I'm just getting old.)

I took this memory test today, and got 90% right! So maybe I just need more sleep.

The types of memory are numeric, visual, reading, spatial, object and delayed:

The Memory Test

My Result: Spatial Memory

People with strong Spatial Memories are good at remembering things like the details of an object and how it relates to the space around it — like how furniture is arranged in a room. They're also probably good at picturing where they last left their house keys, or remembering how to get to specific locations — even without a map.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=memoryogt&c=50652

*Edited to add: I thought I was all smart and then my roommate took it and got 96%. Bah.

I'm pregnant!!!

Ah, shoot. April Fool's.

Can I just say that I am SO OVER anything having to do with triathlons right now.

I hate swimming.

I should be biking 20-25 miles a few times a week right now. I'm NOT.

I should be running more than 3-4 miles 4-5 times a week. I CAN'T.

I'm TIRED. Of it ALL.

All right, bear with me. I'll get over it. Right now I just want to lay on my couch and be tired all the time. When I somehow get over this stint of exhaustion, I'll register for the race and move on with it. But PLEASE, don't make me think about more than a sprint right now. Because I'll probably cry. Or eat a chocolate cake. Or watch the Biggest Loser and then go to the gym.

At least if I were really pregnant I'd have a good excuse!

spelling bee queen

After correcting my friend Nick's grammar two or three times at dinner tonight (I was feeling feisty), he said, "Yes, that is correct" and "What are you, the spelling bee queen?"

Now, come to think of it, I wasn't correcting his spelling at all, but actually, YES, I was a spelling bee queen! In third grade, if we got 100% on our spelling tests, we got to stay after school once a month for a spelling bee. This was the GREATEST reward EVER. (I was there frequently for the festivities.) Stay at school after everyone else leaves, and SPELL! Come on.

Nick wasn't buying it (I think there may have been ice cream involved, but I can't be sure. Obviously the thrill of being told "you are correct!" as I spelled my heart out is the reigning memory here).

"You had to stay after school and practice spelling? Now they call that detention."

I guess he's right. Odd the things we nerdy kids are motivated by...