thoughts on sharing my (uncommon) opinion

I've been in several discussions the past few weeks about legalizing prostitution. First of all, at parties, barbecues, meeting new people with friends at cafes, whatever - the question "What are you doing in Greece?" (an international derivative of "What do you do?") comes up inevitably. This always leads to a brief or longer (if they are interested, which some are) description or discussion on human trafficking. Many ask a few polite questions, show some shock, and move on to lighter topics, but many press it farther and want to talk about it more. Either is fine. But several times lately this has led into someone's soliloquy on why prostitution should be legalized. Hate to say it, but it's been a male every time.

And I usually say with some nonchalance that I disagree, and if they are listening, give them my reasons, to which they listen thoughtfully, don't usually have much of a response, and then we move on. I was just thinking about how in some cases I feel almost embarrassed to give my opinion. I know in most circles men (it's mostly men, although there are many women who believe in the woman's right to choose what she does with her own body) believe in legalization, and they think that it will curb problems like sexual violence and trafficking. (It's quite the opposite, in fact.) Often I feel like the little Christian girl with the conservative viewpoint talking to someone who probably has visited one of these women in their lifetime in some country or another.

But, it's ok, I've realized...I can articulate it in an intelligent way, and my reasons are not based on my faith (fundamentally they are, but there are many reasons that don't even need to get into that). So they usually do listen thoughtfully and I know they are thinking about it. And, they still like me afterward. :) Usually if someone is talking to me about trafficking, etc. in the first place, they will be open-minded enough to hear my thoughts. It's just funny how we can be shy to share our thoughts, our faith, our whatever, if we know it is not the popular belief. I like having these discussions with men, and being able to make them think about things beyond their own opinions or "needs," in a way that doesn't make them write me off or feel condemned or end the conversation.

I even got invited to come over and smoke weed after one of these conversations last week, so I guess I am still "in." Ha! (I didn't. Thank you.)

the in-between week

It is Easter week ~ I am between Easters right now, the western one last Sunday (that was not celebrated here) and the Greek (orthodox) one coming up this Sunday. Next week in Greece is Megali Evdomada, "Great Week," one of - if not THE - most important holidays of the year. I have been reading about some of the various traditions that take place here, from children's plays reenacting the crucifixion to burning rag dolls symbolizing the burning of Judas to the worship of various patron saints, fireworks, and soot crosses on doorposts to protect the household.

I missed Easter last year too because I was in Greece, and I can say I truly MISS it. The significance is easily missed here, to me, where services are in a foreign language and children sing carols for money (as they do preceding any major holiday here). The fast ends, the feasting begins, and two weeks of vacation ensues around the country.

I am studying the book of John right now, seeing the crucifixion and other events through John's eyes. Can you imagine watching the torture and violent, humiliating death of one you so dearly love, one you have given up career and family for, one who has been your friend, brother, leader, teacher, mentor? And afterward? The devastation, grief, loss. And relief, that he is finally out of his misery. Guilt. Defeat. And the questions. And Mary? A mother, watching this happen to her son?

I feel like the significance of what he actually went through is lost when we see pictures of scratched up Jesus with an owie on his forehead or a couple bloody cuts on his back carrying his cross down the street. I don't think even the Passion movie truly embodied what he really went through, looked like, how much he suffered. That movie was hard; I think it was so much worse. I think of those verses in Is. 52 saying that he was beaten beyond recognition, marred beyond any human likeness. I'll most likely never watch this happen to anyone, not to mention someone I am close to, so I'll never feel the shocking, agonizing, heart-wrenching personal impact of what took place.

I have no idea if the experience of the disciples, Mary, etc. would have been different if they understood the full significance of what was happening; to them, this was their Jesus, suffering indescribably. Today, we see the significance, but without the impact of seeing the horror and pain. I wish I could grasp the immensity of it all.

And indeed, the implications of his glory, love, and victory that those three days represented. My 2000-years-removed comprehension falls so, so short. Now added to that, I am in a foreign place where it's so easy to relegate this holiday to a "cultural experience." I am praying that the impact won't be lessened.

faith wavering

Last week was a tough week. I was really hoping... praying... trusting that I would have most of my support raised by the end of September. I felt really strongly that I needed to be praying for that, and I really believed that God could do it. I had a lot of faith for it.

So when it didn't happen - in fact, there was nothing new at all on the statement I got on the 1st - I was really disappointed. And really discouraged. What am I doing?? Did I lead myself to pray for that? It seemed like I had a string of disappointing or discouraging things related to Greece, and I had a tough day. I gave myself a day to be upset about it, and decided I'd pick up the next day and keep having faith and trusting that in God's timing, I'll get there.

My faith didn't go away, and I do ultimately believe those things (and someone pointed out to me that it can take people 1-2 years to raise support, and I've raised 60% in 3 months), but I felt a little waver in my confidence last week. Earlier this week with a friend we thought of examples of people who have had so little to go on that it was so obviously God that accomplished whatever it was in their situation...one of those was Gideon in Judges 7, when God sent home almost 10,000 men from the Spring of Harod and left him 300 to fight with. (That is the picture above, Kim and I at the spring of Harod.) :)

Faith...I may never have the opportunity to develop the faith required of those Christians in countries where they are persecuted for their beliefs, or of those who have to trust for every penny or bite of food. But I have faith for this. In Romans 4, Abraham is commended for his faith. I love 4:17 which says, "He believed in God, who gives life to the dead and calls things into existence that do not exist." I believe he is doing that with this ministry in Athens. I believe he has called me there and that he wants to work. I try not to let my faith waver when things don't happen the way I think they are supposed to.

A few verses later, about Abraham, it says, "He did not waver in unbelief at God's promise, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, because he was fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. Therefore, it was credited to him as righteousness" (4:20-22). Ok, hang on. He did not waver in unbelief??? This was a man who let his wife be taken from him not once, but twice, and who had a child with Hagar because his own wife was childless. To me, that seems like a little wavering in unbelief going on!

But, centuries later, it is reported that he did not waver in unbelief in God's promise. He was fully convinced that God would perform what he said he would. This tells me that God measures faith quite a bit differently than I do!

I'm still wrestling through the repercussions of that...while it feels like my faith wavers at times, ultimately I am believing that God is at work here. What does it mean to not waver in unbelief? I am fully convinced that God is going to perform what he has said he would. But I feel like I waver. I think I am truly thankful that God's idea of faith, and his grace for us in this, is different than our own. He gives us opportunities to grow our faith, he tests it, and he increases it. To us these times might feel like wavering. We question and re-examine what we thought was true. But a true belief that he is ultimately going to do what he said he'd do is what he counts as righteousness. I hope that is the kind that I have, because I really do believe that he is going to do it. :)

dictionary.com word of the day: objurgate

Objurgate: To express strong disapproval of; to criticize severely.

Also: What I am about to do to Oprah Winfrey.


The latest spiritual bandwagon for this woman to jump on is called A New Earth. (I'm a little behind, but I've been out of the country a lot, give me a break.) This book was written in 2005, but when Oprah picked it for her book club in January and started a webcast in March, 2 million people followed her like blind, desperate cattle! You can sign up for the next trance session on her website.

Eckhart Tolle wrote this book urging people to look beyond themselves and the current state of humanity to a new conciousness, where God is in all and all is God. Salvation comes from within, or a oneness with an impersonal life force that is "God." This is basic New Age stuff (throw in some pantheism and you have much of our culture summed up). There is no original sin; instead we make mistakes by being ignorant of this power of "goodness" that comes from "God" - the life force inside ourselves and everyone around us. As Oprah put it, "God is a feeling experience, not a belief experience." (Someone get this woman a theology book; some of the things I've heard her say are beyond the use of the words "ignorant" or "uninformed." Her comment of being turned off of Christianity when she heard that God is a "jealous" God and wondering, "Why is he jealous?" as if he were jealous of her? These misunderstandings have simple answers. At least to those who are open to hearing them.)

There is nothing new under the sun. New Age beliefs have been around for a long time, and this is not a new brand of spirituality. I do have issues with Eckhart Tolle and his recycling of old mystical beliefs into new packaging, but it's more than that. This stuff will open you up to spiritual things, there is no question about it, but like the growing popularity of personal or guardian angels, the "spirits" you are welcoming in are not kind, sweet, gentle (these are some adjectives I've heard describing personal angels), or anything that would constitute a "guardian." I'm just going to go ahead and say it: invite these things to come in and "guide" you and you are opening yourself up to demonic beings that are going to play along to look like anything you want them to.

Sorry, tangent. Where was I? Tolle has to be pretty much beside himself with glee (not to mention the big dollar signs in his eyes) that Oprah has picked him for her latest "spiritual journey." My main problem isn't with him. He's a tool. :) I think I've lost most if not all respect for Oprah as an intelligent, thinking person. She is in search of good feelings, and leading the masses off the cliff with her. Spiritually, emotionally, politically, let's do what resonates with my soul, what feels right to me.

If you have seriously thought through your values and settled on beliefs that you have reasons for holding, fine. But that's just it: she doesn't want to have to do that. She wants to go off whatever feels good to her at the moment. No thinking, analyzing, or reasoning (or believing, she'd say, which pretty much conflicts with anything "spiritual" in the first place, but moving on) required. And in her position as a leader (a pop culture leader, but a leader nonetheless), this is totally irresponsible. I feel like she uses her position to influence the masses and win them over to her whims. Our poor culture ~ of people who have lost any ability to reason and think for themselves ~ is easily persuaded.

I'm gonna prove it this time?

I'll admit it, I listen to Christian radio sometimes. Sunday morning worship is usually ok. But then songs like this come on that make me cringe, criticize and (well, I would change the station but I keep listening, captivated, in horror) ...

I'm not saying everyone needs to have a theological education. And I can appreciate that people express their faith and their Christian walks uniquely. I can also recognize that sometimes it does feel like our faith is works based...but it's NOT. This song I heard today I have heard before, so when it came on I turned it up for Janell to listen. It's called "Whatever it takes" (an assumption on my part, but they keep singing that line over and over so it's good enough). Here is the chorus:

Whatever it takes
That's what I'll do
I'd give anything to get back to you
I know I was wrong
And I've made some mistakes
But I'm gonna do whatever it takes
YEAH-Whatever it takes

Ok. Whatever. (Whatever it takes.) Here is the part that made me want to call the radio station:

I will follow
Anywhere that you lead
For it's your will not mine
I'm gonna prove it this time

What?!?! You're going to prove it? How exactly? And what if you don't? It's like God's love is based on our performance or getting it right. Now THAT would be tragic. Then,

I'm standin' here 'cause I've got nothing to lose
I lost it all when I walked away from you
I swear this time around
I won't let you down

Oooohhhh. (I'm moaning.) That's never a good promise to make. Especially to God. Because it most certainly will be broken...

I don't want to get down on this guy for expressing his Christian struggle, but I hate hearing things like this and picturing people hearing the song, really identifying with it, and taking on that burden of having to prove themselves to God or get things exactly right in order to earn his love. Too many people struggle with feeling like that's the way it is, so to hear a song about it affirms a familiar emotional battle, but also reinforces a common theological fallacy.

I'm torn between the artist's expression and the theological implications. Not torn enough, though -- someone give me this guy's number!

It must be the end of the year.

Uh...ummm....letting off some steam at a Christmas party this weekend...

Losing My Mind, Vol. 2, Issue 17


So, that Monday night appt. that I have every week? The one where I locked my keys in my car twice last month. The same one I've had every single week, same time, same place, for the last 9 months. I missed that meeting tonight. Wasn't even a blip on my radar. Wouldn't have even known I'd missed it if not for the concerned message on my voicemail that came later on. Wow. No big deal, you say. Ah, but I don't miss things. I am (anally, some might say) aware of my schedule and what is going on around me. I am a responsible adult who follows through.

Unless it's at the end of a semester in the middle of Christmas season when I have a trip home looming and an international trip planned immediately afterward. (Last year around this time I forgot to turn in my Joshua curriculum to my independent study professor...that curriculum that my whole grade was based upon. Whoopsies! I remembered it on my flight to Seattle. Thankfully he took it over email and we all lived happily ever after...)

I'm just saying...lots on my mind + lack of sleep = decrease in effective brain function.

To change the subject a bit, the other day I was laying on my bedroom floor and found myself face to face with my carpet. You know the kind...old apartment carpet. The kind where other people's stains come back up about a month after you've moved in.

It got me thinking about how we see ourselves. Seems it's a constant struggle not to liken ourselves to that old carpet. No matter how much you clean it or what you do to it, it's still a dirty old carpet. Likewise, no matter how much "cleaning" or how many good things we do, eventually those old "stains" come out and still remain the things that we define ourselves by. To take the metaphor to utter ridiculousness, it's a challenge to really grasp the fact that we've been made "new carpet" ... ok I'm done with that one. But this seems to be a theme in my thinking lately: grace, sin, and taking them both seriously. More later maybe.

And for the record, our carpet is really not that bad...just one faint largish stain in the living room that looks like someone spilled juice a long time ago or something.

Luke's emphasis on social activism :)

At the Getty...yet another random picture to make blog seem more enticing

You're going to think I've gone totally off the social gospel deep end after reading this post. (Or not. I hope not. I haven't. I just keep learning things that are contributing to my conviction that we - evangelicals - do not pay enough attention to this area.)

So I just finished project #2, a "biblical theology on community and leadership in the local church." That was a mouthful. The project was even more complicated. Anyway, I just spent a lot of time in the "outreach" section in Luke and Acts, and our Dr. Luke seems to have had quite an emphasis on helping the poor! I've identified three values: Association, Advocacy, and Giving (can anyone think of an "A" word for "giving"???) ...

Association: spending time with sinners and the needy. Jesus did it. The disciples did it. From eating with Zaccheus, to spending time and healing the sick and demoralized, to showing concern for needy widows, Jesus made this a priority. (Really if you've spent any time studying the life of Christ you've recognized this.) Peter and John healed a crippled beggar; Philip talked with the Ethiopian eunuch; Peter interacted with a paralytic, a widow, a tanner (who was by definition ceremonially unclean), and Gentiles. (I don't feel like typing out references, but I can give them to you if you want.) Point: Jesus and his disciples spent a large amount of time associating with sinners, poor, marginalized. Do we? We can't love them or tell them anything (the gospel!) if we don't, and words are better received from those who have established themselves in relationship and service to those they wish to reach.

Advocacy: defending and upholding the cause of the poor. God is concerned for the poor: see the Sermon on the Mount (Luke's version, especially 6:20-21); the poor are the focus of God's banquet (14:15-24); the Messiah was identified by his concern for the poor (7:18-23); God focuses on ministry to the poor (16:19-31). We cannot highlight this emphasis in Scripture enough, and this is only from Luke! We must advocate for the poor and marginalized who are unable to do so for themselves. This includes working to change laws and social structures that foster disparity and raising awareness on social justice issues.

Giving: sharing with the poor and needy. John the Baptist exhorted his listeners to share with the needy (Luke 3:7-14); the Pharisees were exhorted to share with the poor (Luke 11:39-41); Jesus recommended giving to the poor (Luke 12:33); the poor as the focus of ministry without expectation for repayment (Luke 14:12-14); the rich young ruler is exhorted to give all to the poor (Luke 18:22); Paul reminds us of Jesus’ concern for the poor (Acts 20:32-35). After meeting the needs within the body, we are also called to help the poor and needy financially.

Biblically I believe we are to care for the needs of other believers first, but we can't lay aside the clear call to care for the poor in general. Again, our emphasis on evangelism and salvation is key. But evangelicals are a long way off from a proper balance of evangelism and social justice concerns. Including myself. This all just represents recent personal convictions in this area and my attempt at a biblical, balanced perspective. :)

freeing the oppressed

A few weeks ago I was explaining the trafficking issues to an older, missionary gentleman and he looked at me blankly and said, "Must be a generational thing." Huh.

This isn't generational. It's a 9 billion dollar annual industry (in the U.S. alone). Modern-day slavery involves 20 to 30 million people worldwide. It's not a generational thing.

Here's what I think: Catholics have the social justice thing down. Evangelicals have the evangelism thing down. But when Jesus quoted Isaiah 61 he didn't stop at "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor." He continued, "He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favorable year of the LORD."

So, yes, trafficking victims need to hear the gospel, and I believe that Jesus is the only one who can ultimately set them free and heal them. But the message will not have much of an impact if we do not address their oppression, their basic needs, their distress.

This is not a generational thing. It's a misunderstanding of a proper balance between evangelism and social justice. You can't have one without the other. It's like a plane with two wings; it can't fly with just one of them. This applies to ministry in general, I believe. A mother will not pay much attention to your words if she doesn't know how she's going to feed her child its next meal. Jesus met physical and spiritual needs. We need to do both as well.

discipleship by participation?

Have you seen the article in Christianity Today about Willow Creek? The one where they admit "We made a mistake"? Willow Creek is one of the most influential churches in America, one that so many churches have modeled their ministry after. Their model is business - churchgoers are customers and God is the product. So they ask, how do we best market God to the consumer? Getting people participating in activities and programs on a large scale is how they mark success. This kind of success, they thought, produces disciples of Christ.

But new research that they have been conducting in their church among the congregation and the community shows that this has NOT been successful. Bill Hybels admitted, "Some of the stuff that we have put millions of dollars into thinking it would really help our people grow and develop spiritually, when the data actually came back it wasn’t helping people that much. Other things that we didn’t put that much money into and didn’t put much staff against is stuff our people are crying out for."

Instead there is a very, very large congregation dependent upon programs and activities and unable to demonstrate that they are capable of being "disciples," let alone making disciples of their own. Hybels continues, "We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between service, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own."

That so many people have modeled their own churches and ministries after this large church has to be disturbing. I think we have created an American Christianity that is represented by people that do not know how to engage in spiritual disciplines, do not know much at all about theology or WHY they believe what they believe, could not defend their faith to anyone if asked and are timid to share about it because they don't know how. What about teaching people about prayer, fasting, and reading their Bible? Serving and loving others? Teaching by relationship and modeling leadership that way? Programs provide information, but without practical experience and leaders willing to be honest and vulnerable with their flock, we fail in these fundamental areas.

Greg Hawkins, another pastor at WC, doesn't believe that this church's reign of influence over the American church is over... "Our dream is that we fundamentally change the way we do church. That we take out a clean sheet of paper and we rethink all of our old assumptions. Replace it with new insights. Insights that are informed by research and rooted in Scripture. Our dream is really to discover what God is doing and how he’s asking us to transform this planet."

NO!!!!! (Sorry.) Research? Rethinking? New insights? It would seem that if they were really seeking to do "church" in a way that is rooted in Scripture, then all the research, thoughts, and insight they need would be found there (in Scripture!). It worked then. We really don't need to reinvent the wheel or change the fundamentals found there to produce solid, informed, intelligent disciples of Christ. I hope they really are able to discover what God is doing and "turn their ship around" so to speak in a way that is truly based in Scripture and able to produce the kind of ministry and disciples they are hoping for.

You can watch what Bill Hybels said here.

I'm trying to emit the right fragrance...

D. and I are memorizing 2 Corinthians together, four verses a week. We just finished chapter 2, and these last four verses have probably been the most meaningful to me yet. I'm not one for floofy figurative language (oops--am I allowed to call Paul floofy? I'm confident he was FAR from floofy) but I really like the "fragrance" and "aroma" imagery.

“But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ.” (14-17)

This causes me to check what kind of "aroma" I put off -- here's hoping it's more of a fragrance than an odor -- and it's also a great picture of the influence we have on those around us. (Just think of something like fish and how the smell carries, how long it lasts, and how certain smells seems to stick around in rooms or clothing! One lady at work has fish at least once a week, and I am fortunate to have the desk closest to the microwave...) I would pray that these verses characterize my life, as one who spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him. WE are the ones who are the aroma of Christ to those around us, believers and non-believers alike. Perhaps I can pray for a more distinct, pungent scent. :)

sovereignty

I'm teaching on Joshua 9 tomorrow, the chapter about the "Gibeonite deception" as many Bibles label it. It's hard to know what application to take from it, as far as seeking the counsel of the Lord in particular situations or consequences to specific actions (or lack of action). I really don't think that's the point of the passage. Really what I've been impressed with is what this incident says about God. I've found it particularly relevant to some current circumstances my family is dealing with: God is still sovereign. His purposes are not thwarted or altered by our foolishness or even our sin. In fact, not only does his plan work in spite of our mistakes, sometimes his purpose is served by our follies. I find this encouraging, and also convicting. How much better are his purposes served when we ARE actively seeking his will and guidance. How different things could have been for the Israelites, and how different things can be in our own lives if we and those around us are seeking God.

Anyway. I'm thankful for his sovereignty that is not contingent upon our righteousness or doing things right.

Winter Wishes

Despite the fact that I just canceled out my kickboxing class with the macaroni and cheese I have been craving all day, I am feeling a lot better! I've been sick for almost a month now, two colds and a general run-down feeling. But the semester is over, and I now have six weeks to celebrate my laziness!!!

'Tis the season for...Holiday Cards??? I went to pick up a box of CHRISTMAS CARDS last week and in the section now renamed Holiday Cards, I was hard-pressed to find one that actually said "Merry Christmas." I found an abundant supply of Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, and Winter Wishes. Nothing wrong with that except for the fact that they have all but replaced the whole reason we send cards anyway. The only "Christmas" cards I found had Santa Claus or snowmen on them! There were plenty of "Feliz Navidad" packs...why don't they have an issue with Christmas?? Just us, I guess.

I've always had this understanding of evil and pain in the world that's sufficed for my own faith and relationship with God as reason for the bad things that happen. Sin, evil, free will, and the understanding of "already but not yet" - God's kingdom not yet fully realized here as it is in heaven.

But more and more, as I see hard, ugly things, and I see how my own explanations don't suffice for others' personal understandings or questions, I ache more for this "kingdom" to come. For the victory to be full and for complete victory over sin and death. We grow weary of struggles with sin and pain; longing for God's kingdom to come, on earth as it is in heaven.

Homework that is thought provoking! Imagine that.

I have had the song "Lion of Judah" in my head for weeks. We've been singing it in church a lot and I learned it on the guitar so I can play it whenever I want. But I think it has become stuck there because over the last week and a half I've been consumed with a big project on Revelation 5 for my Daniel & Revelation class.

The song is celebratory and extols the Lamb as I imagine the scene in Revelation 5, of ten thousands upon ten thousands of angels and all the heavenly host, plus every created being, worshiping the Lamb who was slain:

"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!"

"To Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!"

Working on this project I was convicted: everything said here applies to our worship of Christ. I have heard of a book I think called "Your Jesus is too small" or something. I don't know what it's about but I think we suffer that syndrome. We easily lose the sense of the Jesus of Revelation: there is wrath, there is glory, power, and all authority. He is our friend and our brother, yes, but he is also the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords! He is worthy of all worship from every created being.

I often forget this and my worship is nowhere on the scale of the worship Christ receives in Revelation. I am guilty of not offering him the level of worship that he deserves and demands. He is worthy to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing! Do I give him that in my life?

My, is my life exciting

Some random guy on the Fullerton Loop :)


School, work, school, work, bible study, school, running, work. And that’s about it. :) I had a very insightful post this weekend and then I wasn’t in the mood to put it on here…I wrote while feeling very thoughtful and reflective, then got interrupted, and pretty much haven’t been back there since. :)

I am currently working on a new running goal, an 8.5 mile trail run near my house. I have run farther than that but never on trails, which includes steep hills and swirling dust and uneven ground and reckless mountain bikers whizzing past (one of which I am myself, frequently). I didn’t make it all the way…my English muffin and yogurt breakfast lasted me about 3 miles and I continued on empty until I would guess somewhere around 7.5 miles when I had to walk a bit. Boy was I mad…so close. When you’re done, you’re done, I guess…that was the first time I haven’t accomplished a fitness goal in awhile (possibly because I rarely set goals...but moving on). I will try again this Friday!

Except that once again I am injured! Argh… a blister gone bad has had me hobbling around for three days and on antibiotics, Epsom salt soaks and advil. :) I am SO FRUSTRATED when I can’t get out and do normal things. Every runner I’ve seen this week I have stared at longingly, envying their fully functioning toes. For the second time in a few weeks I am relegated to the stationary bike in the gym, which just about drives me crazy. I’m trying to be patient…and I hate it. (And I'm done whining now.)

I also wanted to mention my Philippines trip that is approaching in January. I will write more details later, but this trip that never materialized this past August is now officially on the calendar, with a large team and multiple agendas. I’m struggling to be excited about it this time. A lot of it is the unknown of what exactly is going on and what is expected of me. Supposedly they want me to teach a seminar to pastors’ wives. One problem…my experience as a pastor’s wife, or even a wife, is severely lacking! Also, I am not I feel adequately prepared to do a whole seminar on my own. I could be a part, but at this point my teaching experience has been half hour bible study lessons. I am up for being challenged and stretched…but not for being in completely over my head. We have a meeting this Sunday; hopefully I can get some questions answered.

That pretty much sums up…well, everything…right now. I am enjoying reading other people’s exciting blogs these days about being overseas, going through important life issues, etc. rather than writing about my own life full of desk work and reading dead theologians. :)

online confession?

I saw a story on the Today Show this morning about a church in Oklahoma (LifeChurch) that has set up an online confession site: www.mysecret.tv. They interviewed the pastor, Craig Groeschel, who has a passion for changing the way church is done worldwide. It's one church with nine different locations. He has a master's degree in marketing and an MDiv.

So you go to this My Secret page and there is a disclaimer that the content should not be viewed by children under 18. Contained within are hundreds of confessions in the areas of addictions, eating disorders, pornography, stealing, abuse, lust, humiliation, double life, you name it. Click on a topic and be taken to others' deep dark secrets that they have decided to display on the internet.

"Have you experienced a victory that began with a secret confessed? A past hurt revealed? A lie exposed? We’d love to hear your story. But more importantly, thousands of other people who are struggling with the same burdens would love to hear. Your story could be another person’s hope." This is their purpose, if you will...share your sins so that others can learn and grow.

Noble. Maybe? But I have some questions. Where are we asked to confess our sin to the whole world? How useful is anonymous online confession? Where is the accountability, the connection to and responsibility for your sin? What prevents this from becoming a "freak show" website, where people can go to read messed up stories and feel better about themselves because there are people out there who are worse than they are? Is this really more than a commentary on our society's lost sense of sin?

I'm not saying it's all bad, or all good, I am just very intrigued at this new way of being able to feel better about ourselves. The pastor's thought is that it is a first step for those who aren't close to confession, some kind of connection to a church. I watched the video on the front page and I actually appreciated his comments on confessing to God rather than a computer, and he presented a clear picture of confession and forgiveness, what it means to be “made new.” Originally the site was set up as a response to a sermon series for their church, and it has caught attention in the whole country. I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts, and since no one ever comments on here, email me instead if you want. :)

the weekend is over...

Got to spend some time with some good friends this weekend. It was great to catch up with Kristin and James on their way through LA to Corvallis, Oregon, where James has a new job.

They are expecting their first baby in December sometime...

Also got in some golfing this weekend. What great weather we had this weekend! (I realize how weird I am to like golf, I even have my own clubs. I am not really sure why. I think I just like to drive the cart around.) The views from the course:
And finally, this afternoon I got a chance to revisit my old Sunday tradition of a few hours of solitude at a park. I haven't done this since I moved, so it was so good to find a new park in the area and spend some time there. Things become a lot more clear away from the busyness of life, and it's there I can often find the passion or excitement that may be missing. A.W. Tozer wrote about our generation of machines, technology, and efficiency: "We read our chapter, have our short devotions and rush away, hoping to make up for our deep inward bankruptcy by attending another gospel meeting or listening to another thrilling story told by a religious adventurer lately returned from afar." Avoiding this "bankruptcy" for me requires a block of several hours, often. I hope for this kind of time once a week, while during the week my "short devotions" do manage to play a role...it's hard to carve out time!!! but boy do I need it, more than anything else I could be doing in those hours. (I took some pictures there too but they aren't uploading right now...maybe another time.)

My knee is still giving me issues. Tried out the bike today at the gym, felt fine on that. Don't feel good about running yet, since it hurts when I put weight on it. Weird...feels like it's the actual joint or right behind the kneecap or something. I suppose my kickboxing class is out too. :) I am not a fan of having an "injury" right now--especially since I don't even know what I did to cause it!!

Preparation and Resolution

I took my Joshua lesson notes to the gym this morning to work on the message a bit and hopefully find some inspiration (not necessarily at the gym; just with more thinking and praying through the stuff).

I set my bike at 30 minutes on hills and started pedaling away. Above me the TV was set on TBS and Walker Texas Ranger was on. :) I've never watched a complete episode of a Chuck Norris martial arts save the world like a true hero program, but my old roommate was mildly obsessed with him (ok--he wanted to BE him, I'm quite sure). Every once in awhile I glanced up to make sure Chuck and his blonde rescuee were still doing ok.

Then came the fight scenes (the blonde was safely tucked away in the tree branches, hidden from the world until her sneeze gave her away to the bad guys! Silly lady). Conveniently, Chuck (Walker? Texas Ranger?) was dressed in perfect martial arts friendly attire. I rolled my eyes. Isn't he ALWAYS conveniently dressed in perfect marial arts friendly attire? He is always so prepared. A bad guy comes within 15 feet and he's in position - crouching, hands up, ready to slice and dice.

He's always so prepared...hmmmm...!!! That is really what Joshua 1 is about, preparation. It's God's instructions to Joshua in order to be successful at what he is setting out to do: claim the Promised Land. But these instructions are not military instructions, they are SPIRITUAL instructions. Joshua's success is directly related to his obedience and his relationship with God. Be strong and VERY courageous, God says, which in the Hebrew gives a sense of being "resolute," or set in purpose, resolved or determined. Why should he need to be these things? Because the next instructions (v. 7-8) give us the key to Joshua's success: meditating on and being obedient to the book of the law.

Our spiritual life, like anything, takes resolution, purpose, and preparation. We get out what we put into it. Joshua needed a resoluteness to not turn from the law, to meditate on it day and night, and to carefully do everything in it. Like Walker Texas Ranger (sorry, bear with me), who has resolved to study his discipline and practice his form in order to be prepared for anything, like an athlete who must resolve (and it really is resolve!) to do those workouts, practice, push hard, or a musician who practices several hours a day -- it takes a decision to excel, plenty of preparation, and plenty of discipline. God was requiring this of Joshua, and he requires it of us in our spiritual lives.

Want to be in better shape? Exercise more. Want to be a guitar phenom? (I do, darn it!) Practice through the pain and build up those callouses and get nimble fingers. Want to be Walker Texas Ranger? Sorry, there is no one like Walker Texas Ranger. But want to be "successful" in your spiritual life, in tune with God, and having the kind of prosperity that HE desires for your life? Press in. Resolve to do what it takes: meditation, obedience, consistent faithfulness to the word, discipline.

I believe Chuck rescued the ditzy blonde and everything turned out ok. And in the process he gave me a little reminder that I can apply to my lesson and even the things that I spend my time on day in and day out. Walker Texas Ranger really does save the day. :)

unfinished thoughts

Who am I?

I am not of this world, yet I find myself entangled in it.
I am not fully devoted to God, yet I find myself yearning for this.

I am surrounded by people at various stages in their walk…young and passionate for Jesus…older and seasoned…older and young in the faith…young and a veteran in prayer and spiritual warfare…those who live their lives in ministry…those whose faith is a second thought…those who give of themselves to others without thinking of the cost…those who call themselves by a name but whose lives do not reflect it.

Who am I? I seem to waffle between many of those, longing to identify myself as one or another but feeling as though I can’t live up to it. Longing to live my life in devotion and prayer and purity but feeling my weaknesses and selfishness guiding me down less noble paths. I know who I want to be, but my "flesh" fights a convincing battle against that goal.

Is it a goal? A resolution? A destination? A journey…one that I find myself on in various stages any given day. Step forward, step back. Step aside and play in the thicket on the side of the path, not going either direction...

My blog & the life of Christ

Yes, I can make those two topics go together.

I’m bored with my blog. If I’m boring myself it can’t be that interesting for others either! :) Today I made a new blog banner perhaps to inspire myself to write more exciting things. Like, yesterday driving home on surface streets I saw 5 different shoes in the middle or on the side of the road. Why are there single shoes on the street? How do people lose their shoes while driving??? And wouldn’t they notice they are missing one shoe and go back and get it? You can’t very easily leave or go someplace without a shoe…I would think you would notice you were only wearing one.

I’m in my last week of summer school, taking the class “Life of Christ.” It has been good to fill in the other gospels with Matthew’s depiction of Jesus’ ministry. :) But aside from noticing how different gospel writers portray particular events of his life, it has felt like a Bible study. For four hours at a time, two evenings a week. I like Bible studies. I’ve just never paid $1200 for a 5 week one. I might look into teaching one of those; could be quite lucrative! Matthew anyone? Oh, wait…we just did that.

I have a new goal for my summer: I want to watch as many Jesus movies as I can find. Watching clips in my class has given me a good start:


(The Visual Bible: Matthew - "Happy Jesus")

Claymation; I love this one! We didn't watch it in class, nor do I really put it in the same class as the other ones with real actors, but I've been a fan of this for a few years. :)

Gospel of John - the best portrayal of Jesus that we've seen in class. He gets angry, he yells at Pharisees, yet he is compassionate and patient. Can't wait to watch the whole thing.



Also we have Pier Pasolini's "young angry" Jesus ("The Gospel According to St. Matthew" - description according to my professor); the recent and pretty liberal made for TV "Jesus - The Greatest Story Ever Told"; "Jesus of Nazareth"; etc.

I'm mostly curious as to how each one portrays Jesus. The Matthew video (pictured above) is the portrayal of the happy sentimental Sunday school Jesus we grew up with who hugs everyone and giggles as he asks Peter, "Are you still so dull??" Sigh. Maybe somewhere in the middle of all the Jesuses represented, perhaps with pieces from each character, will be a person somewhat like the one that really was. Hmm--I'll keep you posted. :)