Big Bear

So I picked the single most busy weekend out of the entire year to find rest and "solitude" in Big Bear. Everywhere you can turn off the road, sit down, take a hike, or even admire the view, at least 12 other people and their 7 children, 2 dogs, and 4 fishing poles have beat you to it. After locking myself in my bedroom for a day, Janell and I had some extra time to finally enjoy the beautiful weather and scenery without worry of who is flying a kite or having a picnic 4 feet away. I think I even feel relaxed, except that I'm home now and thinking of all the things I have to do this week. :) Oh well.

Goin' on a bear hunt...

I'm not afraid!!!

"BEAR!"The city of Big Bear apparently requires every other home to have giant bears carved out of logs displayed prominently in their front yards. Said bear must be adorned with 1) a fish, 2) a lantern, or 3) the favorite craft or hobby of the respective house. (If you care to see the bigger image simply click on it...)
Here is our documentation.










OOH OOH!!! Janell spots something in the distance...could it be...
It's the Mother Bear! It's as big as the house! A fitting conclusion to our bear hunt; we can go home now, quite satisfied.

Honorable Mention

Other things in yards (bucking the trend...)









reindeer...and even the sleigh!

chairlift??

please pray for my weekend...

Tomorrow (after my practice triathlon in the morning!) I am going up to Big Bear for the weekend. Originally I was going alone, now I will have a girlfriend with me, but I still plan to spend the majority of the weekend alone. I just need to relax and be still and sit with Jesus. I'm exhausted. I have no agenda...just to be still. Please pray that something would penetrate my heart.

I think I'm getting nervous.

My race is in 10 days. I was looking at the website today and having what aren't really second thoughts, but might be termed as "apprehensive stomach jitters." Here are all the ridiculous things that are happening in my head:

I'm going to be passed by everyone.
I haven't been swimming enough.
I'm going to be kicked in the lake and drown.
I'm not a strong enough biker.
I've been running the wrong trail in practice.
I'm going to cry if I get frustrated.
I have no one to do it with me.
I haven't been practicing my transition times.
I'm going to be cold riding my bike in wet clothes.
I can't listen to my radio on the bike or run!
I'M SCARED!!! What was I thinking?!?!?!?

Woo hoo! This is going to be fun. I'll be a real athlete. :)

Adventures in Christian Bookstores

This was written by my friend Janell. I like it.


a while back, i needed to find a commentary on I & II timothy & titus for a personal study on women's roles in the church. where should i think to go, but the local Christian bookstore? a logical conclusion since, afterall, i needed a Christian book (if books are able to follow Jesus). when i got to the bookstore, they had NO commentaries on I & II timothy & titus. in fact, the Christian bookstore had NO COMMENTARIES whatsoever! no problem, i said. i'll go to the ONLY other Christian bookstore in town. which i did and arrived fully expecting the last phenomenon to be a fluke. went to the commentary section...NO FRICKIN' COMMENTARY! at least this time there was 1 commentary series on the gospels. that's it. that's all. appalling.

Christian bookstores have rows and rows of books on 'how to walk your dog for Christ' and 'soup for chicken Christian soul', and 1, count them, 1 commentary series exegeting the Bible, the foundational Word of the Lord!!!

now, how is it that Christian supply and other fancifully named Christian suppliers only supply Christians w. the top selling Christian fads, scripture cookies and testamints! TESTAMINTS PEOPLE.

now, i may be missing something here, but to lead a 'purspose driven life' in 40 days by reciting the 'prayer of jabez' and learning about 'hugs for the Christian soccer mom' is not how one gains intimacy with the Lord.

while we're at it, we might as well feed our children white bread with no nutritional value, shove them in front of a tv and expect them to grow into healthy, well behaved adults. (which we do.)

can someone please start a bookstore that actually has books and commentaries and such that will benefit the Christian mind and walk!?

the defense of real Christian supply stores rests.

flip-flops year-round

One thing I definitely like about living in Southern California. I can wear the same pair of shoes every day.

Practice run

I really was prepared to die today (Saturday) when I went up to do the full triathlon at Bonelli Park where the actual race will be--IN TWO WEEKS! I've done it in the gym several times, and a couple times half inside and half outside (or 1/3 and 2/3, whatever). It was 80 degrees today up there, so a little on the hot side, and the swimming was some sort of adventure-slash-debacle all its own. But I survived the whole thing and felt really good afterward. I never doubted I could do it, but I did expect it to be hard. I guess my training has paid off--it IS hard, but I felt great and I'm actually looking forward to the race!

It was a gorgeous day...we actually met two other girls who were training for the same race.

Getting ready and setting up our "transition area"...
All ready to go! Woo hoo! Janell is my moral support and swim partner in gross and/or salty open water (and the pool usually). The other day we went down to Long Beach to a canal to swim, both our first time in wetsuits in the water. It was great having her there as we tried to swim against current and stick our faces in the salt water without breathing it in... ick. Thankfully, while a little murky, the good old "Puddingstone Reservoir" today was tasteless and current-less. We actually took off the wetsuits midway through and went without.

Yes I may have been putting off my start...For some reason we both had a hard time swimming in the wetsuits (they make you float, see?). Can't figure out why it made me twice as tired? Anyway, the water was warm enough to swim without. Still a little harder than the pool...no sides to hold onto at the end of each lap!! Hmmm... I should have been doing it this way all along!I cut another 4 minutes off my bike time, and I did the run on my own this time. I like running. :) No matter how tough the swim or bike is, I always know I can finish strong with a good run. Good, because I'm going to lag in the other two. :)All done! (After I got back from the run)

Pretty mountains, pretty sunset...And this concludes my first official all-outdoor practice run. T-minus...14 days.

Philippines Update

Oh yeah--looks like it IS going to happen--but in January. It sounds really promising. I talked with our missions pastor yesterday and he said there are several people who have committed for that time. On top of whatever women's thing we do, the depth of our team will probably allow us to have a medical and evangelism bent as well. He said he and his wife would have me over to dinner soon to talk about what I want to do (which seems to be in the general direction labeled "missions"). He even offered to arrange a marriage for me. Wow, what a great church I'm at!! Full service.

the blessing's at the end of the rope.

I'm speechless today at the Lord's provision and the generosity and love of others. :) I've found myself taken to the point where I'm not sure how things are going to turn out--with where I'll live, how I'll pay for it, etc. To the point where I've reached the very bottom of the rope and have nothing left to do but let go and trust the Lord that he's got something up his sleeve to keep me from falling. I have a hard time letting go of my security and control. But it always turns out so much better when I do! In growing amazement I watched God answer some financial questions yesterday--twice; first a long-term answer and later a short-term (and very specific and exact) answer! I feel very cared for and blessed and grateful.

And I even got a great surfboard for 20 bucks yesterday (well, Noah bought it, I guess it's officially his...a mere technicality...), a minor blessing but a blessing nonetheless, since I plan to be a pro by the end of the summer!

It was indeed a rich day. :)

I'm a surfer!

Ok not yet. But I did go surfing last night for the first time. It's true--it really IS warmer out there in the water than on the shore! I borrowed a board, which happened to be the biggest size surfboard that they make. 10 ft 2 in, and 4 inches thick. (Sadly I could not even get my arm around it to carry it down the beach like a cool surfer chick. Picture me carrying towels running behind Noah trying to keep up as he carried two boards!) It was like a boat, nice and stable...and I did not have any desire to even try to stand up. I am happy with the security I feel from laying flat on the board and bobbing over the waves. :) Maybe next time I will try to actually surf!!

no-go?

I had a brief conversation today that led me to believe that our Philippines trip in August is not going to happen, or at the very least be postponed to the spring sometime. The sensible side of me is ok with that. Actually most of me is ok with that. But even that part is disappointed in the sense that that -- cross cultural ministry -- is what I want to DO. God has put deep in me a desire to be in other cultures and a love for other people groups. It's been so long since I've been out in the field somewhere, almost 3 years since Turkey, and it's easy to lose sight of that and to focus on the life I could have here instead. Complete with over-commitments and debt, but also including the relationships, jobs, homes, etc. I was looking forward to being back in that setting in the Philippines, once again seeing what God is doing elsewhere and joining my gifts with his works there. I guess I have longer to wait still.

Motivation seriously waning...

I realized the other day that I haven't had a break from some sort of studying in almost 2 years. School, writing bible studies, or some other kind of project has taken my time for that long nonstop. So the fact that right now I feel like quitting everything I am involved in is not surprising, but it's still a little worrisome...I guess it's called burn-out. Not good.
My roommate told me the other day, "'not very busy' to you is still 'really busy' to a normal person" or something. :) This after I came home on a Friday after work with nothing to do that evening and I was feeling restless about it. I never thought I would become one of "those people" who always has to be busy or else doesn't know what to do with themselves. I am great at wasting time and putting things off, maybe that's what makes me so busy (scrambling to get things done at the last minute???) ...
Anyway I can't imagine what a free month would be like, let alone one weekend where I don't feel guilty playing, feeling like I should be back at home at my computer typing something. This summer is no different, have to finish up on the Matthew Study Bible notes and also taking summer school. (Yes I am rethinking that plan.) (Is it bad when you start secretly wishing you would be fired as a research assistant?)
It's much more fun to just ignore everything. I think I'll go surfing tomorrow night. :)

no one to tell

Today I came across a “myspace” music profile for someone I was engaged to before. He is such a talented musician (guitar) and vocalist. He doubted his ability to write music and never recorded much while I knew him. But I saw this profile, heard some really well-done songs, and saw his name under the “written by” credits. He sounds GREAT. And this made my heart so happy. I’m proud of him, and I feel this weird joy for him. He’s engaged, we don’t talk anymore, and we’ve both moved on. But what a joy to see that he’s finding his niche and things are happening for him. I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to tell him so myself and I don’t really have anyone else to tell. So I am just writing it to cyberspace. :)

I, I, I

Also alarming is how easy it is to not see past the end of one's own nose. (What does a wry smiley look like?)

(this goes with that one, below!)

Introspection.

There are seasons when the lies and doubts planted by the enemy seem more piercing and I listen. Seasons when apathy or inadequacy prevent me from stepping out in growth and faith, when I walk in timidity and fear rather than joy and confidence. I have to fight for control over my mood and thoughts. It’s so easy to sink into the self-pity and apathy, justifying it and allowing it to cause divisions between me and those I am close to. I find myself there sometimes, not making any excuses beyond selfishness and self-pity, I guess, and hoping whatever it is will lift and I will find joy and confidence again...

a little sigh of relief

I finally got through to the Financial Aid office yesterday about the bill I got. The original grant money they gave me was based on me taking a full-time load, but I only took a 2/3 class load both semesters. They usually see that right away and make appropriate adjustments, but they didn't catch it until just now so that is why I got stuck with it all now. Since it was their oversight (and since I said I couldn't really pay it), they had a little pow-wow and decided to have grace for me and remove the charges for Fall semester, which changes my bill from $1015 to $375. Praise God...since when does the Financial Aid office listen to "I can't afford to pay that"??? I've been praying madly about this since I got the bill, and it appears that He softened their hearts toward me a little. :)

Temecula & Vail Lake

(Yes, I am aware that I am a dork...it was just pretty out there.) :) Wine country, amazing mountain bike trails, gorgeous weather...what else do you need?? These are at Vail Lake...

I think we did get even higher than this, but the view was incredible!

The grapes in the vineyards at Temecula are just starting to grow...

Dinner at a winery (well, wine and a $15 appetizer and lots of free bread) concluded another great adventure. :) I'm finally starting to see more of California!

A not so good tri update.

Wow, some days ARE better than others...another "triathlon" in the gym but this time I am just totally wiped afterward. Last time I felt a lot better.
Swim 1/2 mile 22:23 - improvement
Bike 7 miles 22:57 - completely horrible and embarrassing :)
Run 3.1 miles 29:34 - ok.
As you can see I could not even complete my 12 mile bike ride. Perhaps because it was my 4th day in a row of biking/mountain biking. But I felt fine running, and the swim was a new best. Maybe I'll just pretend I didn't bike today. :)
Just over a month to go until the race...