Forget the missing "N" ...

What happens if I park for only 10 minutes?

Conflict of Interest

So either the Mariners win, which I always hope for (being from Seattle and a former die-hard fan reduced to fair weather following), or the Angels clinch the division. By the end it was exciting that Seattle was in the lead and all, but I really wanted to be at that clinch game. Didn't happen. But Seattle won! I guess it was a win for me either way.

reflections on my degree (not yet completed).

Several people have asked me lately about my degree and my time in school...do I feel like I need this degree? Do I ever feel like dropping out (a frequent question the first few weeks of school and "syllabus shock")? Was it the right decision to attend grad school?

When I graduate in May it will be 4.5 years. As a whole I've enjoyed my program, but I've come to the realization that I've been here for a lot more than the degree. I think God's used it to keep me here. 3 years ago at the end of an engagement, with no place to live and no job (at the end of a year-long ministry in L.A. for which I raised support), the only thing that kept me here was that I had just finished my first semester at Talbot and I really felt like I was supposed to be there. I realize now that it could have been the fact that I don't really quit anything that I've started, but God uses that too. Whatever the reason, I'd started a program, and I was going to continue in it. Gradually my heart healed, I found some great roommates and a job. Soon school will be done, and the next journey will begin.

But I really think that this time has been so much more about the other things than school. The relationships, the ministry opportunities and roles, the new skills I've learned...teaching bible study and writing curriculum...working with a professor on the notes for a new study bible...valuable friends, mentors, surrogate families :) ...and some pretty significant personal growth and learning. There's more. And the degree is valuable too. But I believe God has used the time for so much more than just school; that was in many ways the thing that kept me here for so long. (I think I'd be long gone if it weren't for that.) There have been a lot of things to learn.

So...yeah, the degree is useful; I've already used it and will definitely use it in the future. Is it absolutely essential for what I want to do? Probably not; I could have done a lot of personal study and reading on my own. But I won't ever regret having it. And I can't say the thought has ever crossed my mind to drop out, surprisingly. Finishing was never a question for me. Like I said, I think God has used that. Was it the right decision? What do you think? :)

Some California friends...on a California beach...ah California... :)

Yep...uh...that one's my roommate.

So, undoubtedly, Kristin was just minding her own business and thinking about the day ahead of her as she got out of the shower on Sunday afternoon, when suddenly I barged into her peaceful reverie by banging on her bathroom door shrieking something about cutting my hand really bad ("stabbed" is actually more accurate) and not knowing what to do. She had the piece of mind to wrap a towel around herself before opening the door, saw my hysteria (and the bloody towel), and said calmly, "I'm getting dressed, and we're going to the hospital." I screeched and wailed and cleaned up my blood and put the turkey burgers back in the freezer and ate crackers so I wouldn't pass out and in no time we were in the car, calling my mom to find out when my last tetanus shot was (10 years...dangit).

So there she is...in all her gold ringed glory, the one to have around in an emergency, and in fact my emergency contact, my roommate, Kristin. 3 cheers...

Do not attempt to break apart frozen turkey patties with a steak knife.

3 stitches, 2 numbing shots in the palm, and one tetanus shot later...guess I'm not going mountain biking this afternoon :(

hotness

what I'm learning

• i'm not feeling motivated to start doing homework again.
• it's ok to be "in process." no one expects me to have it together all the time.
• living in southern california means there are a few weeks a year where you are just going to sweat all the time. no one can remain "fresh feeling" when it's 105 degrees.
• how to be real. i think i've never really allowed myself to be real to people, sharing the good and the crap. i haven't believed people would accept me still. in fact people value me and my relationship with them more when i share my true self with them.
• unconditional love creates trust and more boldness to share myself.
• i need york peppermint patties regularly.
• i have good friends, and i have lots to learn from them.
• it's easy to fall into old habits and turn down opportunities to teach when asked! sometimes i need to just say yes to stretch myself.
• i can run a half marathon.

party!

Sarah was one of my first friends upon moving to California just about 4 years ago. Lots of fun, growing, and going through life together. She turned 30 this weekend! She really gets hotter with age. :)

my new defense

Think I could use this line? I think I might try it sometime:

"Meanwhile, over the weekend, [Britney] Spears was pulled over in Los Angeles for speeding. However, after a brief conversation, she was let off with just a warning after reportedly telling highway patrol officers she was speeding because she was being chased by the paparazzi."

Fall

Classes started this week, it's that time again. I forgot about buying books until the night before; I just was having such a good time being OUT of school mode! Including our Israel preparation class, I have three classes this semester. This should be interesting.

Fall is always exciting, with school starting, ministries picking up again, and there’s a flurry of activity both at school and at work. This feeling of newness and excitement usually lasts me about two weeks. :) The relaxation of summer is over, new commitments are starting, with many opportunities to pick and choose from. The last two years I’ve been teaching women’s Bible studies, which I won’t be doing this year. This was intended to let me focus on my last semester of school with my three classes. Plus with quite a bit going on personally I’ve been unsure what my capacity would be to be able to give in ministry. (I know, I know…we minister out of our weaknesses or something like that, but really it’s a LOT. I was resigned to taking this semester to work through things, and then start with the lay counseling training in January.)

But here and there little opportunities begin to present themselves that sound good. Working in the high school, which I’ve been praying about, and doing some mentoring there. Continuing with the late night pr0stitute outreach, which I intend to do. Joining a small group of some people my age at church. A prayer ministry. How quickly our time can become filled, with many good things, but again I must practice the discipline of saying no! No! NO!!! :) Fall seems exciting and new and overwhelming and busy all at once. I welcome the new routine and the feelings of accomplishment and purpose, but I sure will miss that summer feeling of having no responsibilities hanging over my head...it's been SO nice, and here's hoping that not too much of my brain turned to mush.

Number Crunching

No, not accounting...thank God. It's these kinds of numbers that keep me occupied throughout the day (not to mention the little notebooks filled with them...). I may have become mildly obsessed, but I just prefer to think of it as "health-minded"...

Today:
Special K ~ 200 cal.
Quakes (rice crackers) ~ 70
2 hardboiled eggs ~ 156
Lean Cuisine ~ 270
peach ~ 50
apple ~ 100
yogurt ~ 60 (=906 cal)
8.2 mile trail run ~ (864 cal burned)

Now we are baking fresh tilapia, brown rice and some vegetables and somewhere I gotta find about 800 more calories to eat. :)

It felt good to be back out there on the trail again (Fullerton Loop). I'll probably be a little stiff tomorrow; lots of hills and uneven ground, not to mention the layer of thick dirt I am covered in...

One year

Kristin and I celebrated our one year anniversary living in the Nut House on Saturday! Yay us.

mirror, mirror on the wall

The perils of power napping

I’ve been really dragging a few times in the last couple weeks, so I’ve tried out the whole “power nap” thing on my lunch break. I only have a half hour, so there’s no way I could sleep more than 30 minutes, which I believe is a stipulation for such a nap (usually 20-30 minutes). Mind you, I don’t have much luck with naps in the first place…I am a really bad sleeper, so if I take a nap at all during the day I will NOT sleep that night (even a few minutes). Also, it usually takes me so long to fall asleep (hours) every night that naps are just comical – there’s no way my body will even begin to think about getting to the point of being able to fall asleep in 30 minutes. But others herald the benefits of short naps, and everything I've read swears that if it's no longer than 20-30 minutes, it won't affect your sleeping that night. (Yeah right.)

Last week, my first attempt, I had not slept AT ALL the previous night, lying awake until at least 3 am and waking up at 5 and being unable to fall asleep again. I was hurting…so I tried to nap. I was so tired, falling asleep on my desk all day, but the moment I laid down I was…not wide awake, but not sleepy enough…? I laid there for 30 full minutes, awake. It did not help me through the rest of my day to save my life. I have better luck falling asleep while typing a blog or driving. Plus my neck was sore for the rest of the day. Power naps are a cruel joke, I thought, nodding off later with my cheek on my desk.

Today I was a little sleepy so I thought I’d try again. Went to the leather couch in the high school room this time (this might be my new hiding place for breaks!). I even brought reading material so as to coax my eyelids into getting heavy and maybe I’d fall asleep. Fast forward 45 minutes. I’m back at my desk. I am so groggy, I have a headache, and I had some weird dreams in my half-sleep that never allowed me to actually get to the bona-fide napping place. I staggered back to my desk when my cell phone alarm went off (after pushing snooze once) and stared at my computer in a daze for about ten minutes until the phone rang and I answered it somewhat audibly.

“Power napping” is a joke!!! By the way so is Tylenol pm, benadryl, and melatonin. Those things do nothing for me.

It's not the shoes.

My new running shoes have been feeling really good on my feet while I run. But as for the other aches and pains that they're supposed to be helping...not so much. I've still had a bit of knee pain, and yesterday I ran a 10K and was keenely aware of my right hip, left knee, and left ankle. I feel like an old person. I wasn't expecting magic healing, but they told me it would help. Who knows, maybe it would be worse without the shoes.

my feet hurt

Joaquin & Jessica got married tonight, yay! Congratulations! :)

night before the wedding

My 4 to 8 Year Plan

I don't do 5 year plans or 10 year plans...when all calculated this equals 4 to 8. And besides, whose long term plans actually come to fruition exactly as they planned anyway? Mine never have. (Most likely because I've never had one. And I'm not sure why I do now, except that with the end of school in sight, perhaps it will appease some people who are wondering what I am going to do next. Because in my opinion, it will get taken care of whether I have a 5-10 year plan or not.)

• I will be completely finished with school in May 2008 (was supposed to be December 07 but don't get me started on their scheduling).
• In Jan or Feb 2008 I am interested (interested!) in going through a lay counseling training program (this is 6 months to a year).
• In early 2008 begin applying to mission agencies.
• Whenever all that pans out, begin raising support...
• And then go.
• (Where? Turkey, Greece, I don't know yet. I do know that I'd like to be doing some sort of outreach/human rights work. I've mentioned the ministry in Athens before, I'll be exploring that more and possibly even visiting in the summer of 2008).
• Stay at least 2 years. Maybe 4. Maybe 10, or forever. :) There is this little statistic that single women burn out faster on the mission field; the average is 2 years. I may be single and I may not be and I have no idea how long this season will last. Let's say 2-3 years, for the sake of our Plan.
• Return, for at least two years, and complete a Master's in Social Work (MSW). This is 2-3 years.
• The Plan ends here. There are obvious trails and opportunities that would follow here, but getting this far has taken a lot out of me. :)

That was kind of fun though.

beautiful people

Sarah & I one or two summers ago in our "twin tops" :)

I had lunch with Sarah yesterday...how my soul feels such a rest and peace when I'm with her. :) There is something about being with those friends who just GET you, each complex layer, and have the capacity and the space to allow you to be who you are in joy or in pain, and to inject joy and encouragement into your life. I needed this; it's been a long and somewhat lonely summer. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I do have people to walk through my valleys with me. :)

my first angels game

At least the Dodgers win whenever I go...I borrowed Ryan ("the funny beard man") from Janell for the evening and Bobby back there was thinking about how to improve his Bill Cosby impersonation.

We got great seats for free (just show up around game time or a little late and hang out by the entrance for all those season ticket holders who weren't able to fill their seats), it was $1 hot dog night, and the Angels lost, HAHA (I really could care less).