a rant about pansy men.

I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone. But it's my blog. :)

So, the time I've spent recently in my late 20's has caused me to lament the lack of men with the ability to LEAD. Those who are strong enough in their identity, their faith, their emotions and their integrity to know what they want and pursue it. Those who know themselves well enough to be able to step up and fill the role of leader. I am tired of being the stronger one and filling a role that I am not meant to fill. There is nothing more attractive than someone who has the maturity and leadership to step into the role of a man that God has designed for him.

(I guess the bar has been set - and continues to be set - so high by N. that I'm ruined forever. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.)

I have several beautiful, strong, faithful girlfriends in our late 20s who struggle to find someone who they can actually respect and be led by. There seems to be a lack of men who are ready to lead these women, men who have figured out their stuff and understand what their roles are. Men who have the balls to put themselves out there, figure out what they want and go after it. NEWSFLASH: THAT'S YOUR JOB. Take a risk. Then pick yourself back up and do it again.

So step it up already! That's all.

seriously???

I went to the gym last night and ran on the treadmill. It was fairly empty; the row of 20+ treadmills were open...so when a little old man came and got on the one right next to me I grumbled inwardly a bit (I guess I like my space).

I kept running, he walked, and I noticed that he kept glancing over but I turned up my music and forged ahead (in place of course). When I finished, and slowed to a walk, I noticed that he also stopped, turned, and I could no longer ignore him without appearing rude. He was talking to me. I took my headphones out of my ears.

"It must be nice being young."

"Actually my body is starting to fall apart already." (Blast, why did I say that?)

"Well, if you need mouth to mouth resuscitation, I'm available."

What????? "Uh..."

"That's the only reason I keep coming up here. I hope I'll pass out and one of you young things will have to give me mouth to mouth."

All right, good luck with that ... Gross!

race me

Janell and I did our first (practice) triathlon of the season on Friday. Oddly, as I rode my bike around Bonelli Park, usually something I hate (I now associate that park with pain and exhaustion, therefore it's not my favorite place), I thought, "I love triathlons!" Such demented thoughts but I realized, it's true! I love being surrounded by people who are all doing the same thing. My best times have been in organized races, being pushed on by those competitors around me. I even love getting out of the water after the swim and getting on the bike and air drying, and at the end being all salty with dried sweat and lake all over me. Yes, demented...but I do like the shower afterwards even more. :)

Our Grand Canyon Weekend: A page right out of history

Kristin and I needed a weekend away. We also wanted to see the Grand Canyon. So with very few days of planning and securing a hotel just two days in advance (spring break...no room in the inn!), we left early Friday morning on our "Grand" Adventure.

(No one mentioned that there are strips of 150 miles between here and Flagstaff AZ with NOTHING...most importantly with no gas stations. At this point, Seligman AZ was like an oasis in the desert:) We made it to the Canyon Friday afternoon for some breathtaking views (see below). But a road trip is not complete without odd roadside attractions (or so my roommate so unfortunately believes). This one is right on the road to Grand Canyon National Park. There was no dissuading her. She had to see Fred...

Ok I had fun too.

A random teepee by the side of the road...wouldn't you know it she's obsessed with those too :) Haha.

This one takes the cake...Jim & Dena's Miracle House. Dena herself gave us the history of how they came to bring their purebred white buffalos here, how rare such a buffalo is, actually these are the only ones, and how they are going to be featured on the Travel Channel on Friday. It's a miracle, really.

The daddy...he's big. He doesn't like cameras.

This is the only white buffalo pack in the world (I think?)...here's one:

Is teasing the alpaca ok??

This one likes to pose:

And on to the main attraction...

When we arrived for a peak on Friday night, my jaw dropped open...I really had never seen anything like this before in my life! It is amazing...

Saturday we hiked down about three miles and back out, and then another two miles along the rim to another lookout point. We figured out how to change the color settings on the camera :)

and the sunset helped the colors too:

Happy Easter!

in memory of...

I used to know Spanish. I took it all through high school and college. I spent every summer in college in Mexico or Costa Rica or Guatemala or the like. I got hired at my first job after college because I spoke Spanish. I used to think in Spanish. I've dreamt in Spanish. Journaled in Spanish. Written literature papers in Spanish. I went to Turkey and tried to speak to everyone in Spanish (Americans only have the capacity for one extra language - we hear another one and our brain switches to the only other one we know! haha). I learned some Turkish. Merhaba. Nasil siniz? Como te llamas? Ingilizce biliyor musunuz? Uno, dos, bir, iki, besh, seis, yedi, sekiz... Aaaah! Then I moved to Los Angeles, to the ghetto, right around the corner from mini-Mexico, people in the park on Sunday selling corn on the cob out of their little carts and everything. I hung out there and tried to speak Turkish to them. So many spanish-speakers, so little practice...I've just gotten lazy. It's like riding a bike, right? I'll get my subjunctive and my irregular verb conjugations, not to mention my vocabulary back?? Just throw me back in there and it will all start flowing again...??? Tesekkurler...

take me out to the ball game...

See the time? I have class all day in the morning starting at 9. I have a paper due. So I went to a Dodgers game instead of writing it tonight...

old times, good times

Sarah's back!

Reunion with Sarah and Jolene...Sarah's moving back from Kansas City for awhile! Ah, the days when the three of us would meet regularly to pray and study...and invite unsuspecting women pastors over to question about doctrines and spirituality and charismatic things and women in ministry issues...those were the days. Regular Mexican food, laughing for hours, boy horror stories, long walks, vulnerability, prayer, fun times...my heart is happy. :)

...And it's blurry. Nice focus on the car in the background though.

Satisfaction is...

passing up three boys around my age on a big uphill climb on our mountain bikes like they were standing still! :) booyah.

broken hearts

On the corner of Santa Monica and Highland in Hollywood there is a tiny donut shop on the corner. Behind it is a parking lot and a small strip mall, housing among others an adult book store and a check cashing store, two things you never want to see move into your neighborhood.

This corner is where I have spent a good deal of time over the past few Thursday nights. This strip of Santa Monica is home to the largest and most popular gay nightclub in the greater LA area. It also has the largest concentration of transvestite prostitutes in Hollywood. The darkness and strongholds are palpable on this street.

The Broken Hearts Ministry team goes specifically to show love to the broken people on this street. As my heart has been to find female prostitutes, I’ve been talking with one of the leaders, Robin, about how we can begin to expand the ministry to find them and begin reaching out to them. We have a few ideas. Over the last three years though the team has found themselves brought back to this section of Santa Monica over and over. They’re a familiar sight on a few nights of each week.

Last night I had a long talk with Feyonce (“Like Beyonce with an ‘F’”), a 43 year old African American transvestite with long locks of platinum blond hair and better eye makeup than mine. She told me her whole philosophy of life, why people end up on the streets, how different each individual is and their reasons for being out there, her own story of coming out and being rejected by her family, her history of being a war veteran and having a college degree and traveling the world and working for a large insurance company. As I asked her about her spirituality and beliefs and heard her ideas of the origins of the Bible and Christianity and pointed out the truths that are actually in there, she kept bringing it back around to black pride and how the black people will prevail and there will be world peace. :) Sure, when Jesus comes back…

The teeny tiny donut shop is a popular place at 2am (or maybe it’s the p0rn shop…). It’s been a fruitful place for conversations, yet it’s one of the darkest places I have been in a long time. As these people with whom I have nothing in common socially become individual faces, Aubrey, Steve, George, Ray, Shadow, I continue to ask for that compassion and love that Jesus ministered with, to those who were well-off and the marginalized alike. Whether it is the female prostitutes that I hope to eventually reach or not, there are so many people in need of love and a sense of their worth and value in Christ. Each night as we gather to pray in the Del Taco parking lot before walking in groups down the street, we pray for those lives, for those strongholds, and for the hearts that are broken to be our own.

Retreat Pics

My purdy roommates...

Most of our small group came! I love my group...sigh.

my old friend

I'm becoming excited anew about my little old friend, the Danskin Triathlon. First I threw it all out the window at the prospect of doing a bigger, greater, more extravagant triathlon. Then I decided that this was my FIRST, it MADE me, and I should do it again, just for fun (I owe it, afterall), so I was going to do it as a relay team, in addition to the other. But THEN, amidst new sparks of interest from a few ladies at church and a couple other friends, who are really THISCLOSE to registering, I decided to do it all! So I registered today, yippee, in hopes that this year I will have a crowd of friends around me (or perhaps 4 or 5) to inspire me to go faster and not nearly hyperventilate in the lake, or slow down whilst my shoes melt on the pavement in the 95 degree weather, because we are a TEAM! WOOHOO!!! (Come on you guys, I registered, your turn...)

I'm posting already!

Happy daylight savings...why is it that one little hour knocks me off kilter for almost a week!? I'm tired. Yet it shouldn't be this late...
Played guitar for the women's retreat this weekend. Eek! I got over my nauseous perma-anxiety pretty much only this morning for the last session. (It was my first time.) Leading worship is something I've always wanted to do but I haven't put the time into really developing my skills to do so well. This was kind of inspiring to me. I'm glad I did it. It went pretty well, and I feel privileged to be able to help people enter into worship. I enjoyed the fellowship and rehearsals with the other ladies on the worship team. I felt like I was putting myself REALLY out there, mostly because they really needed someone. But it turned out to have its blessings. :)

Practice...

teaching or preaching?

My sister and I do similar things. We both have teaching roles at our churches. That is where the similarities end, we realized. She and her husband are the college pastors at a large Foursquare church. I teach women’s Bible studies at a Baptist church. First difference resulting in our denominations. Also,
Sister: “I’m preaching tonight.”
Me: “I’m teaching tonight too.”
Sister: “I have a lot of work to do on my sermon.”
Me: “I’m nearly done with my message.”
Essentially we are doing exactly the same thing, except in a Foursquare church she preaches, and in a Baptist church I teach. :)
She is a “pastor,” and I am a women’s Bible study teacher. She is as egalitarian as they come. I’ve changed a little since I’ve been around these parts, though I never had a firm opinion previously. I guess I might still be more egalitarian than some people in my church (though I wouldn’t call myself that exactly), but I sure don’t mind that I’m not a pastor preaching sermons. That sounds like a lot of pressure. :)

brea 8k

The only place where you can watch people chowing down on pizza, tacos, chips & salsa, salad, and pasta at 9:00 in the morning. Sick. I didn't feel so good after a short night, early rise, and a dinner at Cheesecake factory last night (!) but pulled off 44:15 which was faster than last year. :)

Jesus is Lost on a tropical island

This weekend I watched the Gospel of John movie, all three hours of it (the "theatrical" version). I love this depiction of Jesus and his ministry, it's one of my favorites. The guy who plays Jesus, Henry Ian Cusick, does a great job, plus he's easy on the eyes :) (Okay something feels just WRONG about saying that about Jesus.) Anyway, I had read that Jim Caviezel became a Christian after filming the Passion of the Christ, so I was very curious about Henry Ian Cusick's story. The John film was made for evangelistic purposes, so surely he must be a believer...?

I found this article on him, which starts off on a humorous note ("When I last saw Jesus, he was showing the wounds of his crucifixion to his disciples. Now he is leaning across the counter of Starbucks, craning to read the menu.") and gives some information on the actor. He is half Peruvian and half Scottish, a stage actor in London (did you know Jesus had a British accent?), and he grew up Roman Catholic. So after memorizing the entire book of John and portraying Jesus from baptism to ministry to crucifixion and beyond, this is what he had to say:

"The whole experience has rubbed off on me, too. It's made me think more carefully about who Jesus was. I go to Mass more often, and when the priest reads from the Gospel of John, I find myself saying: I know every word of this." Hmmm. I found myself disappointed. He was able to portray the charisma and character of Jesus so well, he memorized all his words from that gospel (and undoubtedly still knows them to some extent). Yet for all of that, the message apparently remains external. The true meaning of those words seems to be lost. How does that happen?

Speaking of Lost, which I never got into, Jesus is now one of the main characters on the show! I'm glad I haven't been watching it, that would definitely throw me off. :)

Jesus in a tie

Lunch

tonight

Joshua Bible Study, most of us (picture of the day!!) :)

Let me out!

Who invented the 8 hour workday?

I have been thinking about doing a "picture of the day" thing...so I'll try it. Can't promise every day, but I'll try (if I can remember to bring my camera with me).

pleasantries

Conversation yesterday regarding my unnamed but required Christian Education class with unnamed fellow Talbot student who also happens to be an unnamed overseer at church:

Unnamed Overseer: What class did you just have?
Me: [Unnamed unpleasant class]
U.O.: [laughs boisterously]
Me: Thanks
U.O.: How are you enjoying that?
Me: Ummm…well…
U.O.: It only gets worse!
Me: I can imagine.
U.O.: No, you really can’t!

Fabulous.