curing your chocolate addiction

In light of all the cake I scarfed down yesterday (Costco sheet cake -- so surprisingly AMAZING! I have it for my birthday every year) (no, it wasn't my birthday, it was someone else's birthday who I don't even know, someone who turned 80 the night before and left the rest of their cake in the church office, what were they thinking?!), and with Easter coming up, here are the steps to overcoming your chocolate addiction. (I actually came across an article at random last night about chocolate chemicals and how eating a small portion may actually do nothing to make the urge or craving go away, but it may actually make it WORSE. I can attest to that...)

12 steps to beat chocolate addiction

(from Martina Watts - except for the parts in italics, that's from me)

1. Admit you are powerless over chocolate mousse and that your life has become unmanageable.

2. Realize that the power chocolate wields over you is biochemical by nature but may also be the result of social conditioning. Find new friends if the old ones insist on scoffing Maltesers in front of you. (What are maltesers? How about dark chocolate covered pretzels? Or chocolate pudding? Kristin??? Janell??!?!)

3. Make a decision to change your life and consult a nutritionist to help you in your quest for a binge-free existence. You’ll also lose weight and have heaps more energy. (Or just work out more and everything will even out. A little binging is good for the soul.)

4. Analyze your cravings. Are they strongest when you are angry, stressed, happy, bored, depressed or premenstrual? Once you start, can you stop? Does a Galaxy bar make you feel better? (no, but chocolate cake does, for about a half hour, until I get a headache. And, it's funny, but I only seem to crave things when I know they are right down the hall in the kitchen waiting for me to eat them.)

5. Become aware that whatever the reason for your cravings, habitually consuming large amounts of Toblerone is unlikely to cure you. (I beg to differ.)

6. Write a list of all the people affected by your self-loathing, mood swings and plain grumpiness after indulging in your favourite pasttime. Make amends by donating your secret stash of Cadbury cream eggs to them all. (#6 - does not apply. I am really happy about my cake binge, it was WORTH IT.)

7. Keep busy until cravings subside by engaging in a physical activity of your choice. Exercise releases endorphins which counteracts stress, anxiety and depression. (What if you're sitting at your desk all day and there is chocolate there on the table in the break room? My walk around the office for "exercise" inevitably brings me straight to the goods. It's like a tractor beam.)

8. If it is late at night, go to bed instead of opening yet another packet of Rolos. Eat a banana to help you sleep. (Can't say I'm a fan of eating anything before bed and having it sit in my stomach.)

9. Do not allow chocolate in the house – in any shape, size or form. Eat small, regular, tasty meals containing protein-rich foods, wholegrains and vegetables. These balance blood sugar and improve your mood by regulating brain chemicals.

10. Wean yourself off self-destructive habits (alcohol, nicotine, junk food). The cleaner your body, the less likely you are to crave.

11. Treat yourself to aromatherapy, massage or reflexology and enjoy a session in a flotation tank to contemplate the richness of life after chocolate. Float and gloat. (Somehow a flotation tank does not connote "relaxation" to me. And really, who is cured of their desire for chocolate by having a massage?)

12. Pursue a worthwhile purpose in life. An idle mind is a chocolate factory! (Do a triathlon! It's fun, really. And think of all the chocolate you can eat when you're done!)

Surprisingly, I have a very strong urge to walk down to the kitchen right now......